I walked out barefoot onto the soft grass the back yard had to offer. It was very late at night, but the moon was on top of me brightening like day light. The walk to the river was very quick, simply because it is merely several feet away from the end line of the back yard.
The body was very heavy to drag, but I managed to make it to the river’s edge. I knew she was unconscious, I made sure of it. I stared down at her pretty face for a while before I began my mission. Her white, thin dress was dirtied. All of her body showed signs of what I had done, but her face. It was glistening next to the river’s waves, begging me to not do this. I had no choice. She had to be freed. Freedom is far too costly in this world, so a price she must pay.
I sat next to the body for what felt like an eternity contemplating the beauty beside me. Unfortunately I had been too close to the river; right were my reflection would be cruelly true. That monster that looked back up at me was unrecognizable. I stretched my arm, touched the water and the ripples began to make me look better. Once the water settled again the truth surface. I am ridding her to give life to this persona.
With a surge of violent rage I pushed her body, full force, with both hands. She floated, resisting the sinking, even though she was unconscious. I could see her breathing, as weak as it had been, pleading for life. I pushed her head into the water, deep enough where I could no longer see her beautiful features.
She paddled for an exact minute before she lay still. That was not enough. I held her head under water longer, making sure she was gone. Tiring myself out I landed heavily on the grass, staring at the stars above me. The body floated lightly beside my feet.
As I stared into the universe I saw these smalls shimmering specks evaporating around her. It was the spectacle bringing forth the fruit of what I had done. I rested my head on my hands, whole body on the ground when I heard it.
His voice, full of sorrow and lament telling me, “Is this what you wanted child?”
I had no reply, I was unsure. I simply stared blankly at the universe before me. I realized what I had done, but no regret was visible. I sent her with Him, so I could survive here. I know she understood. I sat up as the body began to sink in a majestically surreal manner.
Tears slowly flowed freely down my hot cheeks onto my marble collar bones. The stone-cold feel began to take over me simultaneous to her sinking. Freedom took over me. A freedom one should fear because of its power. I no longer had a heart; an Onyx stone replaced it.
This is a cold, cold world I live in, and she understands. I had to let her go. I whispered, “until we meet again”, as her body sank and her soul rose.
I stood up and headed back home, not looking back. I left her there, leaving it as the last time I saw myself. I looked on as this newly found adjustment to reality set in. I know she watches me, waiting patiently until we meet again. For me to exist I had to do this, and when my body gives out I shall reunite with my spirit.
I will hate myself forever, so why not do what I want? Good or bad, I’ll always be bad. This sucks. That feeling of worthlessness is always present unless I am working or super busy the whole day, except for when I sleep. I just hate feeling this way. done
I was just wondering when the love of my life will finally greet me… Stop hiding!